Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Enjoy the penises
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
