I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
