Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
