oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
