If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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