considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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