Who did Billy Mays play for?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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