i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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