are you so shy because you have an std?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
