you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i came on her dog
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
