hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
