The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
