I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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