I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
