This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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