HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I touched a dick in church today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
