you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
