Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
