Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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