My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
