Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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