im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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