You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
