last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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