i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
