Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
