Apparently you make a good broom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
