community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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