I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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