That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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