i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think your dad took our porno
Someone came in the potted fern
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
