I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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