I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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