I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
