Duck Duck Cougar?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
