So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
