whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
