Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
