Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
