hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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