im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
