What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
