brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
