I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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