"it" just moved
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
