seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
