When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
