i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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