he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
