So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
