so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
