remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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